FIVE 'C'S OF TRUST

by Leslie Rohonczy, Executive Coach, IMC, PCC | ©2023 | www.leslierohonczy.com

Vulnerability-based trust is the most powerful kind of trust we can cultivate; it means that we feel safe enough to reveal our vulnerability to someone else and know that they won’t use it against us.  Each of us pays attention to distinct aspects of trust, depending on our own unique wiring. As you read the following ‘Five C’ descriptions, see if you can sense your own primary trust attribute, and which one might be your lowest.

FIVE ‘C’S OF TRUST

Excerpt from ‘COACHING LIFE: Navigating Life’s Most Common Coaching Topics’, by Leslie Rohonczy

Amazon, 2023

CONSISTENCY: This aspect is all about reliability: doing what we say we will, and being intentional about our yeses and our nos. This consistency is observed in our actions, in how we hold ourselves accountable for our commitments and follow through by doing what we say we’ll do, when we say we’ll do it. When people learn that they can’t depend on us to keep our promises – no matter what great excuses we may have – it’s a trust-killer. We tend to judge others’ reliability in terms of time and quality. Slow to return emails? Cancel plans often? Break promises? Show up late to events? What message does our behavior send? We should never make promises we can’t keep, even if we’re just trying to calm a tricky situation.  We’ll build stronger trust with others if they know that we consistently follow through and do what we say we will.

COMPETENCE:  Others will be more concerned with our abilities, standards, and skills: when we know what we’re talking about, people believe that we are a credible source of information and insight. Our competence and credibility are a combination of how we present facts and theory, our skills and knowledge, and our ‘presence’ (the way we look, act, talk, and communicate). Humility is also a key aspect: when we pretend to know something that we actually don’t, and others see through our smoke and mirrors (as they often do), we become untrustworthy to them.

COMMITMENT: Some people will be more focused on the passion in our eyes as we deliver our message, so that they can connect to the deeper purpose that inspires us. Making our commitments visible helps us inspire the trust of others. It’s reassuring to see someone fully committed, because it lets us know that we can depend on them, especially when facing challenges. When our commitment is solid, we can engage in productive conflict that moves everyone forward. Some believe that trust creates harmony, when in fact, trust allows us to have productive conflict that won’t damage our relationship, and often strengthens our connections as a result.

CONNECTION: Speaking of connection, when we focus on creating close, open, and accepting connections, others feel comfortable talking to us about difficult things. People who are good at this aspect of trust walk their talk and are willing to get emotionally close to others. Building this connection requires us to be transparent about our thoughts and emotions. When we’re accepting and non-judgmental, people open up to us more easily because they trust that we won’t judge or criticize them. They feel seen and heard and can be themselves when they most need to.

CARE: Finally, to build vulnerability-based trust, we show that we’re concerned with the welfare of the other person, rather than pushing our own agenda solely for our benefit. Others may perceive us as self-interested if we care more about appearances, about getting our own way, about being liked or creating a favorable impression. Caring people are typically good listeners and genuinely want to understand others’ experiences and emotions. They have a desire to help and consistently show they care through their words and actions.

We each have a preferred aspect that we habitually start with, and so it’s important to understand that what engenders trust for one person might not resonate with another. For example, I look through the lens of consistency first: if you show up on time, keep your promises, and do what you say you’ll do, I trust you. It’s really that simple. But not everyone prioritizes consistency the same way. For example, consistency is the lowest one for my husband (a.k.a. ‘The Big Handsome’), who favors the Care aspect. He monitors for high self-orientation behaviors like someone putting their own needs or interests above the greater good and sees these as signals that they may not be trustworthy. If we can’t connect with someone enough to build trust, it may just be that they’re looking through a different lens than we are.

PRACTICE: PERSONAL TRUST MEASURES

Think about the last time you required someone to trust you. Perhaps it was related to the family budget, a new project at work, or a travel adventure. Find an example that you can evaluate in hindsight, and reflect of these questions:

1.       How did you demonstrate that you care?

2.       How did you attend to consistency?

3.       How did you establish your competence?

4.       How did you demonstrate your commitment?

5.       How did you build your connection?

Now, think about how the other person reacted. What trust aspect(s) do they seem to value most? What indicators do you observe that inform that opinion? How might you adjust your approach next time?

IMPACTFUL LEADERSHIP CH.E.C.K. LIST

By LESLIE ROHONCZY, Executive Coach (PCC), Integral Master Coach (IMC); Author of Coaching Life: Navigating Life’s Most Common Coaching Topics

Here’s an interesting lens through which to look at the role of a leader: the Impactful Leadership CH.E.C.K. List. These five high-performing leadership competencies can help employees become successful, and organizations achieve their strategic objectives.

CH  |  CHALLENGE WITH COMPASSION

Explore your own leadership assumptions and potential limiting beliefs: whose assumptions are they, and what’s driving them? How do you know they’re real? What evidence or proof can you find to confirm or disprove them?

What limiting belief prevents you from acting, or causes you to second-guess your decisions? Challenge processes and simplify how work gets done: are ‘old ways’ getting in the way of new growth and potential?

How might employees change the way they work to improve efficiency and effectiveness, customer experience, and their own employee engagement? How might you?

Increase the level of challenge, responsibility, and support: how might you offer employees more responsibility as a growth opportunity? What do you need to do differently during this growth opportunity, to support their learning? How can you support the decisions they make, without punishing mistakes during this learning opportunity?

E  |  EMPOWER WITH CLARITY

Be discerning about the important decisions that belong at your leadership level, and push decision-making down to appropriate lower levels where you can. If we’re positioned as the decision-maker for all things, we become the bottleneck that slows the team down, and our employees don’t learn the critical decision-making skills that will allows them to become decisive high performers.

Avoid overturning employee-made decisions wherever you can. One of the quickest ways to kill an employee’s trust and self-confidence is to first empower them to decide, and then to overturn it because it’s not how you’d have done it. Let them experiment and learn where possible (and it’s likely more possible than you may think) and hold them accountable for the outcomes in a positive, growth-minded way.

Facilitate the plan-do-check-adjust learning process (PDCA)  by asking employees to explain how they will plan their approach, then allow them room to enact that plan, and to check their own results and invite feedback from others, and finally, to adjust their approach based on their insights. Asking questions along the way helps employees synthesize their thinking as they go, and helps you track and stay connected to your team’s work.

C  |  COACH WITH COURAGE

One of the most top-of-mind topics for employees is their professional development and career progression. Spending time coaching employees on how to be successful builds trust and helps them feel supported. Investing in their growth is good business.

Have courageous conversations. Don’t shy away from providing observations and feedback about what could be holding them back. We need to provide clear feedback with purpose, to help employees succeed, and we need to be even more open to receiving their feedback! Courageous conversations are a two-way street.

Connect the dots for employees to help them understand the organization’s purpose, mission, vision, and values and how their work contributes to achieving the strategic direction and core mandate. Watch for ‘orphan’ work that the employee is doing and ask curious questions about how that work connects to the team’s objectives; stay open to the answers – they may be off-track, in which case you can redirect them; or they may be exploring a new opportunity that could bring much-needed innovation.

K  |  KNOWLEDGE SHARING

Develop your storytelling super-power. When we can share real examples from your experiences – without making yourself the ‘hero’ of the story – you can impart the learning that really resonates (humans learn best through stories, after all).

Model what it looks like to be a ‘continuous learner’, by regularly sharing new information and a-has with employees. Sharing your personal gaps and how you’re working to close them can reinforce to the people you lead that curiosity, learning, experimenting, failing, and sharing perspectives are normal and expected parts of your team culture.

Lean into humility and seek out feedback from employees on how to become a better leader-coach for their specific employee needs. When you ask, and then receive this feedback, you may notice the urge to defend or explain. Instead, explore what was unknown, or uncomfortable – that’s where the gold nuggets are for growth as leaders. Come back to employees after reflecting on their feedback, to share insights, and to thank them for creating this new awareness!

CHECK AND ADJUST

One of the fastest and most effective ways to change a behavior or build a new muscle is by observing yourself in action, reflecting on what you intended and what results you actually noticed, deciding what minor adjustments to make, then trying again. It should be a continuous cycle of noticing and improving, rather than a ‘one-and-done’ activity that checks a box.

In addition to your own ‘noticing’, it’s also a great practice to seek feedback from employees on how you’re showing up, and what adjustments they would recommend or appreciate.

Develop a system to help you track your progress: define what you’re working on in a single sentence (e.g.: growing trust with employees), and what observable indicators you’ll watch to tell you how your development is going (e.g.: employee opinion surveys; one-on-one employee meetings focused on development, not just output; reduction in conflict requiring your intervention).