LESLIE ROHONCZY | MARCH 2024
Have you ever experienced a moment in time when you are filled with joy, and then all of a sudden, you are overcome by a sense of impending doom as a result? It’s almost as if we expect to have to pay a toll for the good thing that’s happening to us.
This is called ‘foreboding joy’, and it may sound a bit paradoxical at first, but understanding this emotion can be a game-changer in life and leadership.
So, what exactly is foreboding joy? Well, it’s a complex emotion that often leaves us feeling torn between the desire to fully embrace the happiness in a specific moment, and the fear of something bad happening as a result. In fact, joy our most vulnerable human emotion! And when we can no longer tolerate the vulnerability that joy brings us, it becomes foreboding.
At its core, foreboding joy is rooted in this vulnerability – that innate human experience of exposing ourselves to the unknown, of opening our hearts to the possibility of both joy and discomfort. Brené Brown, a leading researcher in the field of vulnerability, describes it as the birthplace of courage, compassion, and connection. Yet, when we encounter moments of pure joy, our aversion to feeling vulnerable kicks in, which only intensifies a feeling of vulnerability, which then triggers a sense of foreboding that feels threatening and can overwhelm us. And it often happens in a split second, catching us unaware or unprepared.
So, how do we navigate this delicate dance between joy and fear? One of the most effective tools I’ve seen is mindfulness – the practice of being fully present and engaged in the moment. When we experience foreboding joy, our minds tend to spiral into thoughts of what could go wrong, or what will inevitably come along and take this delicious joy away.
Mindfulness offers us an anchor; a way to ground ourselves in the here and now. By tuning into our senses, our breath, and our experience of the moment, we can quiet the anxious whispers of fear and fully immerse ourselves in the richness of joy.
But mindfulness is just the beginning. To truly navigate foreboding joy, we must also cultivate self-compassion, the ability to feel gratitude within our joy, and discernment to helps us challenge the disaster-izing that commonly accompanies foreboding joy.
Too often, we berate ourselves for feeling fearful or anxious, judging our emotions as weaknesses to be overcome. Yet, true resilience lies in embracing our humanity – in recognizing that it's okay to feel vulnerable, even in moments of joy or triumph. When we treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, we create a space for healing and growth, allowing ourselves to move through this fear with courage and grace. We also create the ability to deepen the experience of our joy-filled moments, as a result.
As we journey deeper into the heart of foreboding joy, self-reflection becomes our compass. When we feel the familiar tug of vulnerability, we can pause and ask ourselves these powerful questions to help us stay connected to our joy:
What am I most grateful for in this moment of joy? What else? And what else?
How might you challenge your fear with evidence that proves the opposite is actually true?
What does my fear tell me about how meaningful this is to me?
By exploring these questions with curiosity and openness, we unearth hidden treasures of resilience and strength, reclaiming our power to fully embrace life's joyful moments.
But perhaps the most profound lesson of foreboding joy is this: joy is a spontaneous eruption of intoxicating emotion. In a world filled with uncertainty and unpredictability, we can’t control what the future holds. We can’t orchestrate it to happen when we want (or need) it most. What we can control is how we choose to show up in our present moments – with courage, with compassion, and with an unwavering commitment to living life authentically.
So, the next time you find yourself suppressing joy, as a ‘hedge’ technique, or hesitate to fully embrace a joyful moment, remember this: recognizing, naming, and understanding this emotion as ‘foreboding joy’ is the first step towards overcoming it. It's about acknowledging that it's okay to feel joy… simply as it is… without the fear of it costing us something precious in return. You don't need to earn your joyful moments or prove your worthiness of them – joy is your birthright as a human being! Embrace your vulnerability and lean into your joy with abandon. Then see what you notice about how that changes your experience of it.
In the end, it's not the absence of fear that defines us, but our willingness to dance with it – to embrace the full spectrum of our human emotion and emerge stronger, wiser, and more alive than ever before. So, the next time you notice the feeling of foreboding emerging through your joy, take a deep breath, and remember this: you deserve to live a life of happiness and fulfillment – without the need to pay a toll for your joy.